Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – SEPTEMBER 11 - 17, 2006
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MISCELLANEOUS
Famed WWII “Enigma” Codebreaking Machine Recreated
It will be used to decode bands' names.
Popemobile Sold At Auction for $70,500
Anonymous buyer says he plans to start own religion.
 
KIDZ KORNER
Write Your Own News Story

Just fill in the blanks on this Reusable News Template:


The ______ state legislature has set a new record for the amount of money raised by lawmakers in __ days, as the legislative session draws to a close and lawmakers look ahead to the November elections. Also, there were a record ___ fundraisers scheduled by lawmakers, and a record ___ lobbyists attending them. “It's the busy season, for sure,” said ___ ____, a lobbyist for the _____ industry, which has legislation pending before the lawmakers, on his way to his __ consecutive fundraiser of the evening on ______. “But now's when you get the most bang for your buck.”
FEATURE
A docudrama airing on ABC about 9/11 dramatizes why we didn’t capture Bin Laden. It shows
A ) We didn't pursue him in Tora Bora because we decided to go to war in Iraq instead.
B ) The Bush Administration lost interest and cancelled the CIA effort directed at catching him.
C ) It was Clinton's fault.
Hint: Everything is Clinton's fault.
 
SPORTS
Sports World Witnesses Another First
First time in over 100 years someone lands a punch in a baseball fight.
Tennis: Agassi Bows Out Tearfully
Says goodbye to lucrative endorsement deals, performance fees.

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