Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – SEPTEMBER 4 - 10, 2006
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MEDIA
CBS Caught Using Photoshop to Make Katie Couric Look Thinner
Later admits making “60 Minutes” correspondents look 20 years younger.
Bush Speech Accidentally Broadcast Over CNN Anchor’s Bathroom Chat
Apparently his mike was left on.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Mag Blasts Hollywood: No Good
Roles For Women

Or men.
Pluto Fired By Disney
Finds out in an email.
 
BUSINESS
Key Coca-Cola Exec Joins
Clorox as CEO

Announces better-tasting New Clorox.
PC Makers To Discuss Battery Standards
Once all the laptop fires have been extinguished.
SCIENCE
Bad News: Supervolcano Under Yellowstone Could End Life on Planet
Good news: park would be rid, once and for all, of snowmobiles.
Researchers Find Chimps
Make Great Teachers

Chimps find researchers make great students.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Report: Tea Healthier
Drink Than Water

Coffee healthier than tea.
 
CORRECTION
 
Last week we mistakenly reported that President Nursultan Nazarbayev of Kazakhstan, a tyrannical ruler who has banned opposition parties, intimidated the press and been accused by U.S. prosecutors of pocketing millions in bribes from an American businessman, has been invited to visit with President Bush at his ranch in Crawford, Texas. In fact, he's been invited to the Bush family compound in Kennebunkport, Maine. We apologize for the error.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
World Ends Aug. 22nd
Muhammad ascends to Heaven on winged horse.

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