| PEOPLE |
 |
 Boy George,
at Career Low Point,
Performs Court- Ordered
Community Service
Saturated media coverage
leads to new recording
contract, two movie
deals. |
|
|
Report: Bush Read Camus's
The Stranger While on Vacation
In case he ever personally has to kill an
Arab. |
| |
| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
Award Show Presenter Goody
Bags to be Taxed, Says IRS
Oscars cancelled. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
Ford to Make Fewer Cars
New ad campaign: “Have You Seen a Ford Lately?” |
|
 New
Airline Caters to Those Who Can Afford
Luxury, Security
Passengers sip champagne, dine
on lobster and are assigned their
own air marshal. |
|
|
| SCIENCE |
|
NASA Can't Find Original
Tapes of Moon Walk
Fears they may have been left on Moon. |
|
Scientist Claims Dolphins
Are Dimwits
Cites abysmal SATs. |
| |
| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Hot Dogs May Cause Genetic
Mutations
Public advised to switch to CheezWhiz. |
|
Is Couch Potato an Inherited Trait?
Study says some of us are born with
genetic predisposition to become big,
fat, lazy slobs. |
|
Spas Offering Healthier
Lifestyle
Guests consume plenty of coffee, red
wine, dark chocolate. |
| |
| CORRECTION |
| |
| We reported
that top officials at the Legal
Services Corp., the federal
agency which provides legal aid
to the poor, had cut their own
meal allowances in half to
provide more help to needy
clients, half of whom are turned
away due to budget constraints.
In fact, the officials doubled
their own meal allowances
compared to their staff, while
providing themselves with
chauffeurs and other luxury
perks. We regret any confusion
caused by our mistake. |
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