Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – AUGUST 7 - 13, 2006
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WEATHER
People Flock to Beaches in Hottest July Ever
Experts cite global warming, skimpier swimsuits.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Boston: Big Dig Tunnel to
Reopen After Review

Motorists will be paid a dollar to drive through it.
Poll: More Christians Support
Torture Than Atheists

Jesus: “Back to the drawing board.”
Army Honors Disgraced
Abu Ghraib General

Awards him Distinguished Disgraceful Service Medal.
 
CORRECTION
 
In a recent story on the EPA's voluntary Performance Track Review program, we mistakenly described it as an effort to reward companies having the best anti-pollution records with less burdensome regulation. In fact, the EPA program rewards companies with poor anti-pollution records by allowing them to increase polluting. We regret any confusion caused by our error.
FEATURE
Why is it, that despite knowing they will be tested, more and more winners of the world's most prestigious sports championships are testing positive for performance-enhancing drugs?
A ) Their competitive spirit is so strong it overrides both conscience and caution.
B ) Their judgment is clouded by
performance-enhancing drugs.
C ) They're not too smart.
Hint: Why do you think they call it doping?
 
SPORTS
Baseball: Yanks Trade for
Three Umpires

“They should help us down the stretch,” says Manager Joe Torre.
Golfer John Daly Named Athlete of the Year
Only one who didn't take steroids.

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