Ironic Times

page one
PAGE TWO – AUGUST 7 - 13, 2006
page three

ENTERTAINMENT
Hollywood Deeply Offended By Mel Gibsonís DUI Tirade
But green-lights his action comedy, Sugar Tits and the Jew.
 
BUSINESS
AOL "Reinventing" Itself
As company with 5000 fewer employees.
 
SPECIAL FEATURE
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Attention Deficit Disorder
Often Missed in Girls

Doctors blame too much sugar, spice, everything nice.
Bird Flu Creating Shortage of Shuttlecocks
Expect to see slightly less badminton next year.
Cancer Drug May Cause
Heart Damage

Drug for heart damage may cause cancer.
  World War III: Who is on our side and who is not:  
    Iran   Their side, of course  
    Syria   You have to ask?  
    Iraq   Depends on province, sect, day of the week  
    Israel   Can you spell "Armageddon?"  
    North Korea   We’ll get back to you as soon as we’ve launched these missiles  
    South Korea   Our side, if we’re winning  
    Egypt   Hate our freedoms, love our military aid  
    Saudi Arabia   Still owe us big time for giving them a pass on 9/11  
    Japan   Our side, if we let them re-arm. Then, who knows?  
    Germany   Our side this time  
    France, Italy   Our side most likely  
    Russia   Probably with us, but don’t bet the farm  
    China   Will sit this one out; prepare for World War IV  
    Switzerland   Neutral again. Someone has to launder the money  
    England   Can you say, "Yes, George?"  
       Note: Prospects for World War III movies: good, novels: poor, memorable songs: not a chance.  

FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
STORE
 ©  Copyright 2006 Ironic Times