Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JULY 17 - 23, 2006
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TRAVEL
Interest in Nude Resorts Growing
As clothing prices soar.
Tiny Island of Vanuatu Ranked
“World’s Happiest Place”

Disneyland, ranked tenth, says it will sue.
 
SPORTS
Americans Still Talking About
World Cup

Many say they “can’t wait” until it starts.
Fans Allowed to Manage Minor League Team on Internet
In first game they call for 429 beanballs.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Professor: U.S. Headed
Toward Bankruptcy

FBI: Professor headed toward Uzbekistan.
Blogger Able to Trade Paper Clip For House
Now lacks device to attach covering letter to new mortgage.
FEATURE
The U.S. Family Network, a grassroots advocacy group which functioned as a shell organization to launder money for Abramoff clients seeking favors from Congress, was officially seeking to promote:
A ) opportunities for family members of Congressional leaders to get on the payroll.
B ) a chance to watch pro sports from skyboxes for underprivileged Senators.
C ) golf vacations in foreign countries for Congressional Republicans.
D ) “moral fitness.”
Hint: there's no limit to the good a person can do when that person is morally fit.
 
NEW PRODUCTS
Japanese Gadget Can Record,
Replicate Odors

For the flatulent man who has everything.

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