Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JULY 17 - 23, 2006
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PEOPLE
Trove of Letters Reveal Einstein Had Numerous Extramarital Affairs
Typical alibi: “I was working on my Unified Field Theory.”
 
MEDIA
Administration Spending Millions
On PSA for Iraqi TV on How Uncool
It Is to Become Suicide Bomber

“Just Say No Way” campaign getting mixed reviews.
 
BUSINESS
Head of Coors Loses Driverís
License Following DUI Arrest

Advised to devote less time to quality control.
Mr. Peanut Getting Makeover

Consumers complained of allergies, dislike of foppish dandies who wear monocles.
SCIENCE
Cow Dung Could Replace Gasoline, Say Researchers
Gas station operators oppose idea.
Reassuring Study: Not All Plants Harmed By Global Warming
Poison ivy actually thrives on it.
 
Launch of Inflatable Spacecraft First Stage of Inflatable Space Hotel
Staffed by inflatable women.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Educators Concerned About
Widespread Use of
“Smart Pills” by Students

Fear they'll become so smart they won't need to go to school.
Traditional Lunch Hour Shrinks
As More Americans Use Time
To Work, Run Errands

And yet, amazingly, they still manage to overeat.

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