Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JULY 10 - 16, 2006
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PEOPLE
Paris Hilton Asks Paparazzi to Back Off, Respect Her Privacy
Reclusive star (right) seen leaving church.
Juan Valdez Angers Bush Administration
Offers free Colombian coffee to America’s poor.
Ann Coulter Subject of
Plagiarism Probe

May have lifted entire passages verbatim from Mein Kampf.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Judge Rules Removing Sex Scenes From Films Violates Copyright Laws
And turns many mediocre movies into a total waste of time.
 
BUSINESS
GM Ends Production of Largest Hummer
Move reflects recent reduction in oversized egos.
Roller Coaster Plunges Like Stock Market
Shown: skittish riders react to sudden drop.
SCIENCE
Report: Trident Nuclear Warheads Could Detonate in Road Crash
Public advised not to tailgate.
Study: Nothing is Predictable
Except more studies.
Dozens of New Species Discovered
In Indonesian Jungle

Pictures, descriptions included in new cookbook.
 
SPACE
International Space Station Welcomes First Illegal Alien
Brought by space shuttle to do jobs astronauts unwilling to do.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Fat People Not More Jolly
Had been jolly until relentless questioning caused introspection, self-doubt, depression.
 
CORRECTION
 
We recently misidentified photo at left as a meeting of the Board of Directors of the Getty Museum to discuss acquisitions. In fact the photo is of Dustin Hoffman as Captain Hook and Bob Hoskins as Smee in the movie Hook. We apologize for any confusion caused by our mistake.

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