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| BUSH WELCOMES
PRESIDENT OF NIGERIA TO OVAL OFFICE |
Responding to
e-mail, gives him $25,000 to
claim $20 million held in
Nigerian bank. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Bush Meets With Leaders of
Mexico, Canada
Scores pot from Fox, Xanax from Harper. |
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Aquamarine Zone Under
Construction Within Green Zone in Baghdad
Super-secure area reserved for U.S.
officials explaining how well things are
going. |
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| POLITICS |
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Dems Unveil Fall Election
Strategy
Squabbling, half-hearted endorsements,
post-election recriminations. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
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National Debt Clock Running
Out of Digits
Owners must borrow to keep it operating. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Senate Establishes Tough New
Lobbying Rules
Senators must pay for third, fourth
round of martinis. |
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Report: Pentagon Has Spent
Nearly $2 Billion on Propaganda
Works out to $1 billion for every person
who believed it. |
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REMINDER
It's spring break: do you know
where your bikini top is? |
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Study: Wage Gap Widens
Between Rich and Poor
President credits sound fiscal policy. |
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Army Won't Let Soldiers Buy
Own Body Armor
Must use defective junk purchased from
Bush's Uncle Bucky. |
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| CORRECTION |
| |
 In
a recent article, we quoted Supreme
Court Justice Antonin Scalia (left) as
saying "To my critics I say,
Vaffanculo." At the time we did
not know what this meant. We sincerely
regret printing a word not appropriate
for all family members. |
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