Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – FEBRUARY 6 - 12, 2006
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PEOPLE
Bono Releases Photo of Himself With George Bush
U2 lead singer says he has his picture taken with “lots of people,” doesn't mean he knows them all.
 
BUSINESS
Western Union Ends Telegram Service
Business had been off a bit since end of World War II.
Good News: Dell to Hire 5,000
Bad news: in India.
 
WEATHER
La Niña Returns
And all of a sudden El Niño "disappears," points out one critic with raised eyebrow.
 
ART
Metropolitan Returns Euphronios Krater To Italy, Admits It Was Probably Looted
Other objects in Gotti Wing may also have to be sent back.
IRONIC TIMES EXCLUSIVE
Behavior Warning, G.W. Bush, 4th Grade

January 25, 1955
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Bush,
It pains me to have to report that ever since George was elected 4th Grade Hall Monitor, his behavior has been out of control. Despite repeated warnings from teachers and staff and the clearly posted rules of the school, George has insisted he has the right to spy on the girls' bathroom and abuse smaller children. We found several second graders locked in the broom closet, all of them severely beaten! We are still searching for little Susan Roosevelt, who is not related to FDR, whatever George may think, and he refuses to tell us what he has done with her. Please explain to him that even if she were related to FDR, he does not have the right to kidnap her, and that being 4th Grade Hall Monitor does not give him the right to ignore school rules!

Sincerely,
Constance Brooks,
Vice Principal

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