Ironic Times

 NO. 277 “Expect the Ironic” JANUARY 2 - 8, 2006 

Dec 26
Jan 9
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Thousands of complainers and naysayers rounded up, stripped, prepped for rendition.
 
WORLD NEWS
Iranian President Bans
All Western Music

Except “Springtime for Hitler.”
Bosnia, Herzegovina Agree to Change Post-Civil War Government
Will replace three presidents with single strongman wielding absolute authority modeled on, well, Tito.
 
THE WAR
Bush Administration Addresses
Alarming Rise in Post-Traumatic
Stress Disorder in Returning Iraq Vets

Will redefine it so fewer will be diagnosed.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Cinnamon Bun Bearing Image of Mother Teresa Stolen
Feared eaten.
U. S. NEWS
Revealed: Pentagon Has Secret Database of War's Opponents
Closely monitoring over 200 million Americans.
Report: Katrina Response
Signals Problems at
Dept. of Homeland Security

Solution: fold Homeland Security into new, bigger Dept. of Total Incompetence.
 
REMINDER
   Turn all clocks, watches, cellphones
   and timing devices back one second.
 
Study: 11 Million Adults
Can't Read English

And they all have blogs.
White House Press Room
To Get Makeover

Under modernization plans, reporters will be able to hear press secretary, but he won't be able to hear them.
 
RELIGION
Vatican Considers Dropping
Concept of Limbo

Too many “oddballs” ending up in there, complains one Cardinal.
 
 
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