Ironic Times

 NO. 247 "Expect the Ironic" JUNE 6 - 12, 2005 

May 30
June 13
 
KING FAHD'S HEALTH IMPROVES
Price of self-serve regular drops three cents.
U. S. NEWS
Economy Added Only 1 Job in May
Experts expected two, but Bolton's confirmation was held up.
Pentagon Solves Recruiting Problems
Stops issuing monthly reports.
Former President Bush Says He'd
Like to See Jeb Run For President

But not Neil.
 
REMINDER
  If you have to ask what the price of
  gas is, you can't afford it.
 
WORLD NEWS
French, Dutch Reject EU Constitution
World War I declared.
Saudi Arabia: Proposal to Allow Women Drivers Denounced
Man who made suggestion beheaded, matter quickly forgotten.
LETTER FROM HELL

Dear Mortals,
I knew it was that weasel Felt! Haig, that cocksucker, couldn't keep a secret ten seconds. All the other ones they mentioned are down here with me, or didn't know jack shit.
So, while this ex-mortal is shoveling you-know-what for you-know-who, Benedict Arnold will be treated like a national fucking hero. You can bet your ass those clowns on "60 Minutes" will be drooling all over him, too. Well, I've got a little surprise planned for Mr. Snitch.
With a few good words from my buddies Haldeman and Ehrlichman, I've been allowed five minutes on Chuck Colson's shoulder. He'll think he's getting a divine message or something — the next thing you know he's strapping twenty pounds of explosives to his belt and, well, I'll leave the rest to your imagination.
Oops, gotta go. It's my day in the Bottomless Pit.
Sincerely,
Richard M. Nixon, 7th Level
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