Ironic Times

 NO. 246 "Expect the Ironic" MAY 30 - JUNE 5, 2005 

May 23
June 6
  100 HEAT HITS SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
Hospitals treat thousands of celebrity impersonators for dehydration.
 
 
WORLD NEWS
Nuclear Proliferation Talks Called “Hugely Successful”
Over 150 nations agree to continue development of nuclear weapons.
U.S. Berates Syria
Demands to know why they can't control their border.
Canadian Province Cuts Back
Suicide Hotline Hours

Weekend callers hear recorded message: “Don't kill yourself. Call back Monday.”
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Newly Created Trump University Unveils Fall Curriculum
All freshmen must take “Introduction to Inheriting Your Father's Business 101.”
U. S. NEWS
Military Inquiry Finds No Credible Proof Koran Was Flushed Down Toilet
It was ripped up, stomped on, spit on, peed on, defecated on, but never flushed down toilet.
More Trouble for DeLay
Trips to Nevada brothels reportedly paid for by Al Qaeda.
 
REMINDER
   You may have stolen your identity
   from someone else.
 
FBI's New Computer System to Become Operational By End of 2006
That's when agency hopes to get through to tech help, which “always seems to be busy,” says spokesman.
Americans to Take 328 Million
Trips This Summer 50 Miles
Or More from Home

Mostly to buy gas.
 
EDUCATION
Dept. of Education Insists All Schools Spend One Day Teaching Constitution
What's left of it.
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