Ironic Times

 NO. 243 "Expect the Ironic" MAY 9 - 15, 2005 

May 2
May 16
 
MINUTEMAN BORDER PATROL CALLED A SUCCESS
Only sour note: all our food must now be harvested abroad.
 
WORLD NEWS
Blair Reelected British Prime Minister, But Without Much Enthusiasm
Exit polls reveal voters would have preferred leader who didn't “manipulate, misrepresent, lie, bamboozle, hoodwink, obfuscate, betray and mislead.”
Pakistan: Dozens of Journalists
Arrested on “World Press
Freedom Day”

They'll be released during “Clampdown on Human Rights” celebrations next week.
Progress: Kuwait Almost
Passes Measure Giving
Political Rights to Women

Next vote in fifty years.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS
Texas Legislature Ponders Ban on Sexually Suggestive Cheerleading in High School
Bill would also rename Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders (shown) “The Dallas Christian Ladies Prayer and Temperance Circle.”
U. S. NEWS
Classified Report: Military Readiness At Great Risk Due to Iraq War
Our ability to carry out unprovoked invasions of other countries has been severely compromised.
Evolution on Trial in Kansas
Theory to be tested by tying science teachers to large rocks, throwing them into lake to see if they float.
Analysis: How President's
“Progressive Indexation”
For Social Security Works

Peter, barely getting by on $38,000 a year, would receive reduced benefits, while Paul, eating out of dumpsters on $15,000 a year, would see no change whatsoever.
 
REMINDER
   Ask your doctor if Western medicine
   is right for you.
 
USDA Considers Mandatory ID Program For Cows, Pigs, Chickens
Who don't have a valid driver's license.
Most Americans Following
Controversy Over Judges Closely

Majority support Paula Abdul.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Man Comatose for 10 Years
Suddenly Awakens

“What happened to the surplus?” he asks an astonished nurse.
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