Ironic Times

 NO. 228 "Expect the Ironic" JANUARY 24 - 30, 2005 

Jan 17
Jan 31
 
  SECOND TERM: MUCH OF BUSH AGENDA IS FAITH-BASED
However, the devil is in the details.
 
U. S. NEWS
Cheney, in Candid Radio Interview, Hints Iran Next Target
Tells Don Imus he's already started “pestering the spooks to cook up some facts.”
Supreme Court Rejects Last-Minute Challenge to Prayer at Inauguration
Decides Bush “needs all the help he can get.”
Alberto Gonzales to Remove
Covering From Breast of Statue
In Dept. of Justice

Orders all statues stripped, piled on top of each other in lobby.
 
 
REMINDER
      Thirty is the new twenty.
 
WORLD NEWS
Iraq Borders Sealed Off
Move prevents foreign insurgents from entering, coalition troops from leaving.
FEATURE:
March 2003 Presence of Iraqi WMD force U.S. to invade.
March 2003 We win hearts and minds of Iraqis by bombing their cities.
April 2003 We're greeted as liberators, same 20 Iraqis trucked to multiple locations to dance in the streets.
April 2003 Rest of citizens express their joy by widespread looting.
May 2003 “Mission Accomplished.”
June 2003 U.S. promises to restore power, water real soon.
July 2003 “Bring 'em on!”
Dec. 2003 We crush handful of dead-enders still resisting by capturing Saddam. We will restore power, water soon.
Spring, 2004 We crush insurgency in Sunni areas, continue search for WMD.
Spring 2004 We crush insurgency again by torturing prisoners at Abu Ghraib.
June 2004 Interim government takes over, Iraq now free.
Summer 2004 We totally crush insurgency in Sunni areas, eyes peeled for WMD.
Fall 2004 We annihilate insurgency in Sunni areas, promise to restore water, etc.
Winter, 2005 No WMD. What the hell.
Winter, 2005 Free elections everywhere but in Sunni areas, where we prepare to restore water, etc., and totally stomp, crush, etc.
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