Ironic Times

 NO. 227 "Expect the Ironic" JANUARY 17 - 23, 2005 

Jan 10
Jan 24

As I begin my second term, I thought it would be a good time to look back at some of the accomplishments of my first term.
Following the attacks of 9/11, we successfully chased Osama bin Laden all the way to northern Pakistan, where he now lives in isolation, cut off from the world. He can never use a telephone again, we've made absolutely sure of that.
When Saddam Hussein threatened us with imminent nuclear and biological attack (according to George Tenet, a fine man), we overthrew him and restored democracy to a proud country. Heck, they're about to vote!
After inheriting a deep recession and spiraling deficit from the previous administration, we turned the economy around by cutting taxes for our most productive citizens. And they repaid us by financing the most exclusive inaugural celebration in our nation's history.
We put snowmobiles back in Yellowstone, God back in government, and Christ back in Christmas.
And we're just getting started. Thanks to you.
 
(Mr. Bush is not responsible for his opinions.)
U. S. NEWS
Nation Celebrates Decades of Progress on Race Issues on MLK Day
Minorities in Ohio hope to be able to vote in the near future.
White House Uses Social Security Administration to Promote Privatization
Money budgeted for ads could save system, say critics.
Bush Appoints Chertoff to Head Homeland Security
His nanny's a member of Daughters of the American Revolution.
FBI: New $581-Million
Software "Unusable"

And they're still on hold with technical support.
 
REMINDER
  The people in charge know what
  they're doing.
 
WORLD NEWS
Israeli-Palestinian Honeymoon Ends
Typical marriage begins.
 
SPACE
Spacecraft Sends Back Startling Pictures From Surface of Saturn's Largest Moon
Startling because they look just like pictures from surface of every other place we've been.
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