Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – OCTOBER 18 - 24, 2004
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Mary Kay Letourneau to Wed Ex-Student, Lover
Woody Allen will be Best Man.
Paper-Thin Computer Screen Developed
Consumers will soon be able to purchase "smart" Kleenex.
John Kerry falsely accused George Bush of never having met with the Congressional Black Caucus. In fact, Bush did meet with them last February after members of the Black Caucus:
A ) were escorted to the White House in a motorcade of presidential limousines.
B ) were flown to the Crawford ranch on Air Force One for a Bush family barbecue.
C ) were taken to Kennebunkport on the space shuttle for a weekend of lobster and water sports.
D )showed up uninvited at the White House after repeated attempts to meet with the president had been rebuffed, were told he wasn't there, but refused to leave until he met with them.
This week we asked a group of undecided voters in Ohio the following question:
Q: With the election only two weeks away, which candidate are you more likely to vote for?
Jack Carvelle, Dayton: “I think I'm somewhat more likely to vote for the brilliant and statesmanlike Senator Kerry, and somewhat less likely to vote for the dimwitted cowboy Bush.”
Carol Hughley, Cincinnati: “I'm leaning slightly toward the greatest President this country's ever known, and ever-so-slightly away from evil left-wing flip-flopper Kerry.”
Fred Canaday, Cleveland: “At this moment I'm inclined to vote for John Kerry, a decorated veteran who's faced hostile fire, and less inclined to vote for that cowardly lying idiot Bush.”
Carl Rave, Columbus: “Honestly, it's such a toss-up between the morally superior Mr. Bush and the loathsome pond scum Kerry, but I'll say Bush, since you asked.”
Morey Michael, Akron: “I'm going to flip a coin: heads for Kerry, tails for Bush. Heads it is. There's your answer.”

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