Ironic Times

 NO. 194 "Expect the Ironic" MAY 31 - JUNE 6, 2004  

May 24
June 7
 
BUSH FALLS OFF BIKE AGAIN
This time he's roughed up by a small crowd that had gathered.
WORLD NEWS
Abu Ghraib Prison to Be Destroyed
In its place, 156 two and three-bedroom luxury condominiums surrounding an 18-hole championship golf course designed by Jack Nicklaus.
Rumsfeld Acts to Bring Order,
Discipline to Out-of-Control
Situation in Iraq

Bans camera phones on military bases.
Al Qaeda Reports Record
Number of Applicants

Percentage admitted “about the same as Yale,” says a spokesman.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Bozo Elected to Clown Hall of Fame
“What the hell took so long?” he asks in a lengthy, profanity-laced acceptance speech.
U. S. NEWS
Americans Divided on Who
Should Pay For War in Iraq

52% say children, 48% say grandchildren.
Bush Wins “Regular Guy”
Poll Over Kerry

Kerry tops Bush in “Aloof Intellectual” survey.
 
Bush Reassures Nation With Five-Point Strategy for Success in Iraq
 1. Attack Sunni civilian areas in Falluja.
 2. Damage Shiite holy sites in Najaf.
 3. Give new oil contracts to Halliburton.
 4. Torture prisoners, enrage world.
 5. Betray Kurds, start civil war.
 
FBI Statistics: Violent Crimes
Down, Homicides Up

Murderers credit increased productivity.
Report: Many in U.S. in Denial
About Being Overweight

Not you, of course - everybody else.
 
POLITICS
Bush Hopes to Get Jewish Vote
Despite his belief that they're all going to Hell.
 
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