Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – APRIL 19 - 25, 2004
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ENVIRONMENT
Clear Skies Program Effective in Denver
Before (top) and after (bottom) photos show progress in balancing need for cleaner air and industry's concerns over excessive regulations.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Wagner's “Ride of the Valkyries”
Named Most Dangerous Music
To Play While Driving

Barely edges out “It's a Small World After All.”
 
SPORTS
Athens May Not Be Ready
In Time for Olympics

Might have to suspend democracy to get work done.
Five-Year-Old Declares Himself Eligible for NBA Draft
“Honestly, what am I going to learn in kindergarten?” he asks.
Don King Promises Honest Title Fight
“The guy in the green hat will win,” he tells reporters.
The Afterlife
by Earl Wilson
Took the BW to see the late Lenny Bruce, the posthumously pardoned potty-mouthed comic who's been killing ‘em all over again at the surprisingly lively Limbo Lounge. In attendance, non vivant funny bones George S. Kaufman, Totie Fields, and that Rabelaisian wit himself, Francois Rabelais. (Frankie wasn't getting any of the jokes until new pal Alexis de Tocqueville leaned over and ‘splained to him the English word for, pardon my French, merde.)
Don't invitems: Recent arrivals (lower region) Uday and Qusay Hussein. Talk about sibling rivalry! These two argue over who goes first on every eternal punishment they're given. Sheesh!
Congrats to all the winners at the recent Golden Ghoul Awards, always a strong indicator of who will win at next month's Dead Oscars, hosted for the first time by Bob “Maybe I Can Win One Up Here” Hope.
That's Oyl, brother.

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