Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – APRIL 12 - 18, 2004
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MISCELLANEOUS
Genetically Modified Foods Facing Increasing Criticism
But consumers like their value.
 
SPORTS
Hockey: As Playoffs Begin, NHL
Faces Severe Financial Woes

Most teams can’t afford the dental plans.
Cubs, Red Sox Fans Angry at Government
FDA withheld information linking antidepressants and suicide.
NFL Adopts 15-Yard Penalty for Excessive Celebration
Like placing a banner between the goalposts that says, "Mission Accomplished."
 
STYLE
"Medusa Do" Fails to Win
Top Prize at Hairstyle Awards

Judges turn to stone.
New Gift Item Might Look Familiar to Oldtimers!
The Pet Stone reminds a lot of folks of that venerable old novelty, the Pet Rock. But no, say its makers, the Pet Stone is different, although outside of the name the only difference we can discern is the price. Where the Pet Rock used to sell for less than five bucks, the Pet Stone retails for $199.95. At all Suckermarts, Sucker's Emporium, and Suckers Only stores.
New Hand-Operated Calculator Saves Time!
And money, too. No costly batteries to replace with this amazing gizmo, which comes from China, of all places. The Chinese may have a winner here. The "Abacus" (must be the inventor's daughter's name) can handle any of the calculations normally made by a nuclear physicist or the proprietor of a busy fruit and vegetable stand. Fully portable, it resembles a small child's toy, but it really works (although we never figured it out). One regret: no backlighting. $.99, at all 99 Cents Only stores.

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