Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MARCH 15 - 21, 2004
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HIGH TECH
Trumpet-Playing Robot Arrested
Allegedly tried to purchase narcotics from undercover cop.
SPORTS
Congress: Steroids Threaten to “Destroy” Baseball
“Fans don't want to see athletes performing superhuman feats,” says one senator.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
Ford Recalls Over One Million
Sedans for Brake Light, Air
Filter Problems

Although when you brake, other drivers know because your air filter catches on fire.
 
TOYS
  New Barbie Dolls Look, Act Real
And they'll end up costing you a fortune.
Partial Text of Iraqi Constitution

We the People of Iraq, in order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, crack down on looters not members of our families, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and the members of our religious group, do ordain and establish this Constitution, if it's OK with Paul Bremer. No official may seize any man's property, including his wife and daughters, without due process of law. Congress shall make no law regarding the establishment of religion, except maybe Islam. For the support of this document, and with a firm reliance on the protection of Allah, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and a reasonable share of the kickbacks from Halliburton.
 
ODDS AND ENDS
Dick Clark Sued Over Age Bias
Accused of turning down Methuselah for a job.

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