Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MARCH 15 - 21, 2004
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PEOPLE
Godzilla, Fire-Breathing Movie Monster of Yesteryear, to Retire
“In this business, I'm a dinosaur,” he says.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ Becomes Top-Grossing R-Rated Movie Ever
Passes Boogie Nights and I’m Gonna Git You Sucka in total box office receipts.
 
FOOD
Report: McDonald's Salads Have More Fat Than Their Burgers
Chain immediately begins touting “Less Fat Than a Salad” Big Macs.
 
BUSINESS
U.S. CEOs Still Being Paid 500 Times Average Worker's Salary
Of course, the average worker doesn't have to support a trophy wife.
Kool Debuts New Line of Flavored Cigarettes
Should appeal to smokers who are “desperately trying to quit,” says Brown and Williamson spokesman.
SCIENCE
Microbial Fuel Cell Can Generate
Electricity from Bull Manure

Entire government could be powered by executive branch alone.
Inventor Patents Device for
Putting Ads in Space

Hopes to make billions and billions of dollars.
 
Genetic Code of Chicken Released
Research team will next tackle more complex genetic code of Chicken McNugget.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Americans “Eating
Themselves to Death”

Concludes that Americans should “stop eating themselves to death.”
New Pill Helps You Quit
Smoking and Lose Weight

Drug, called nofuneverin, is in final testing stage.
 
LAW
Group Asks Justice Scalia to Recuse Himself From Upcoming Case
Supreme Court will soon decide if the owner of a house of prostitution in Nevada has to pay medical costs for injuries incurred by one of his employees during a session of rough sex with Justice Scalia.

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