| ENTERTAINMENT |
 |
Pirated Copies of The Passion
of the Christ Selling Briskly
Particularly among born-again crooks. |
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|
|
Canadian Documentary Portrays Bin
Laden As Well-Meaning Family Man
Who Has Trouble Controlling His Kids
“8,000 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage
Daughters” expected to garner high ratings. |
|
Ellen DeGeneres Leads
Daytime Emmy Nominations
Bush proposes constitutional amendment to
prevent her from winning. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
Survey: 58% of American Workers Want
Better Jobs
But moving to India is just too expensive. |
|
McDonald’s Drops
Supersized Portions
Times move with “Two-for-the-Price-of-One”
promotion. |
|
 Volvo Unveils First Car
Designed “By Women
For Women”
Steering is voice-controlled
from the passenger seat. |
|
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| SCIENCE |
|
Another Branch of Human
Ancestors Reported
Primitive hominids lived in what is now
Ethiopia 5½ million years ago, or they
never existed, depending on your high
school science curriculum. |
|
Mars Once Had Water, Says NASA
Rovers find remnants of beach towels,
sunscreen, Jackie Collins novels. |
| |
MOST DISTANT
GALAXY DISCOVERED
In Abel 1835 IR1916, they're watching new
episodes of I Love Lucy for the first time. |
|
| |
| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Pfizer Gives Up Testing
Viagra on Women
“We couldn't even get to first
base with them,” says a spokesman. |
|
Study: Nicotine Helps Fight
Alzheimer’s, Depression
When used in conjunction with
heavy drinking and a high-fat diet. |
|
Survey: Americans Getting
Bigger, Taller, Heavier
And dumber. |
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