Ironic Times

 NO. 173 "Expect the Ironic" JANUARY 5 - 11, 2004 

Dec 29
Jan 12
 
NEARLY ONE MILLION UNDERCOVER COPS WELCOME IN NEW YEAR
They mob Times Square to watch ball drop.
 
WORLD NEWS
British Intelligence: Nixon Planned to Seize Saudi, Kuwaiti Oil Fields in '73
White House: British intelligence notoriously unreliable.
Dollar Sinks to New Lows Against Euro
European tourists complain of snotty, rude American waiters.
 
ECONOMY
5.9% Unemployment Rate Jumps
To 9.7% When Underemployed,
Discouraged, and No Longer
Looking Are Included

Jumps to 31.4% when unpaid interns, serfs, slave laborers are counted.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Martian Rover Lands Successfully
Photo courtesy of the Martian News Service.
U. S. NEWS
USDA Bans Use of Cattle
Brains, Spinal Cord, Nerve
Tissue in Food

As if anyone will ever eat beef again after reading that sentence.
Many New Laws Take Effect
Across Nation

You're under arrest.
Poll: George Bush, Hillary
Clinton “Most Admired”

He for slashing Medicare, she for opposing slashing it.
 
 
REMINDER
   Wash your hands constantly.
 
FBI Issues Alert About People Carrying Almanacs
Asks public to report anyone quoting Ben Franklin.
Court Blocks Weakening of
Clean Air Act

Major setback for supporters of dirty air.
TV Preacher Pat Robertson Says
God Told Him Bush Will Win By
Landslide in '04

After waging a long, dirty campaign.
Source: FBI Closing in on
White House Leaker

Can't reveal name, although it's a scramble of the words “Lark Over.”
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