Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – DECEMBER 1 - 7, 2003
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PEOPLE
Pamela Anderson Teaching Sunday School
She has a regular class at Our Lady of the Line Around the Block.
76-Year-Old Indian Man Hasn't Eaten in 68 Years
“Needless to say, I'm famished,” he tells reporters.
Bush Turns Down Pardon Request for Thanksgiving Turkey
Breaks with longstanding tradition.
 
RELIGION
Seven Deadly Sins Updated
Warranted by changes in lifestyle (see chart below).
SCIENCE
Study: Criminals, Geniuses Do
Best Work in Their 30's

When they're just entering politics.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
AMA Endorses Cloning for Research
Also for the megalomaniacal pursuit of eternal life and absolute power by creation of millions of exact copies of oneself to spread throughout the world.
Survey: Patients Prefer Doctors
To Wear White Coats

Empathy is next favored quality, followed by experience, knowledge, competence.
 
FEATURE
 
The most effective strategy for busting unions is:
A ) Hiring scabs.
B ) Harassing pro-union workers.
C ) Slandering union leaders.
D ) Shopping at Wal-Mart.
  OLD NEW  
    Pride   Excessively celebrating touchdown  
    Avarice   Selling short  
    Envy   Identity theft  
    Wrath   Hissy fit  
    Lust   Getting caught  
    Gluttony   Häagen-Dazs  
    Sloth   Getting caught with Häagen-Dazs  

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