Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – OCTOBER 13 - 19, 2003
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MISCELLANEOUS
World's Largest Jeans Go on Display
According to Levi-Strauss, the giant (nearly 100 ft. tall!) pair of pants took forty children in Sumatra, working round the clock, three weeks to make.
 
BUSINESS
Consumer Confidence Drops
Sharply in September

Fueled by fears world will end in October.
McDonald's Plans Leaner McNugget
Half the fat, half the calories, half the portion.
 
SPORTS
Baseball: Evil Spirits Working Overtime on Championship Series
“Cursed” Cubs, Red Sox taxing resources of every demon, fiend, and succubus east of the Mississippi.
Baseball Playoffs Bring Out Traditional Rivalries
Once again it’s Fans Who Drink Too Much Beer vs. Fans Who Drink Way Too Much Beer.
New Key Chain Says Everything About You!
The handy Genester contains a complete map of your DNA, with all 30,000 of your genes packed into a convenient carrying case, ready to show off to an inquiring doctor or forensic expert at a moment's notice. Great for medical emergencies, blind dates, and determining approximately when you'll drop dead. $495, at all Genomes to Go stores.
Publishers Excited About New Mini-Books
Fill niche between full-sized and microscopic books.
Amazing New Headphones Sound as Good As They Look!
You won't believe your ears when you put these on. The stereophonic dual-amplification system delivers clarity and fidelity normally associated with listening through a rolled-up newspaper. Sold only in pairs. ($39, Ear Trumpet Emporium.)
Inflatable Bikini Comes in Handy
Especially in a crowded hot tub filled with strangers.

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