Ironic Times

 NO. 159 "Expect the Ironic" SEPT 29 - OCT 5, 2003 

Sept 22
Oct 6
 
PUTIN OPENS NEW YORK STOCK EXCHANGE
Buys Halliburton, Bechtel, sells everything else.
WORLD NEWS
Mideast Road Map at Crossroads
Running out of metaphors.
Components of Nuclear Bomb
Discovered in Iraq

Depleted uranium from spent U.S. artillery shells could make a formidable weapon.
Nigeria's Economy Booming
Due to hugely profitable e-mail solicitations.
Rice: More Foreign Troops
Likely in Iraq

Does not specify whose side they'll be on.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
State Department's Hi Magazine Hopes to Appeal to Arab Youth
Current issue's articles include: “Drive a Cab, Not a Bomb,” “How to Become a Well-Paid Informer,” and “Shaving Tips.”
U. S. NEWS
Segways Recalled
Thousands stranded.
Administration Asks France for Military, Financial Aid in Iraq
In return, will put “French Fries” back on menu in congressional cafeteria.
California Bans All Unsolicited E-Mail
Critics say move severely limits public's access to information about penile enlargement.
 
 
REMINDER
    Life is a sitcom without the
    laugh track.
 
Schwarzenegger Makes Pitch
To Women

Says he likes smart chicks who know their place.
 
ENVIRONMENT
Despite Ability To Walk, Snakehead Fish Found in Wisconsin Did Not
Walk There

Hitchhiked from Maryland.
 
TRENDS
First Yoga Championship
Held in Los Angeles

Winner advances to quarter-finals of Meditation Bowl next month in Sedona.
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