Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – SEPTEMBER 15 - 21, 2003
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Question: Recently, based on what turned out to be false intelligence reports, I ordered the invasion of another country, resulting in thousands of deaths and widespread hardship. Did I do something wrong?
Answer: At the time you first saw the reports you thought they were true, and therefore you did nothing wrong. You can’t help it if you get bad advice.

Question: I have a friend who formed his country’s energy policy in secret meetings with people who had given him millions of dollars. Do you think he should have disclosed what went on in those meetings?
Answer: In an open society like ours, yes. But you're talking about some backwater banana republic, I assume. That kind of stuff hasn't gone on here since the days of the Robber Barons.

Question: My religious views are sometimes at odds with my obligations as the chief legal officer of a large Western democracy. For example, can I arrest and deport anyone who disagrees with me and needs a shave?
Answer: No, unless you have some sort of gut feeling about them.

(Mr. Ethics is National Spokesperson for the American Association of Used Car Salesmen.)
SPORTS
Baseball: Scoring, Attendance Down
Owners overturn ban on corked bats, steroids.
 
HIGH TECH
Microsoft Warns of New, Critical Hole in Windows
Error allows Bill Gates to enter your bedroom, take control of your sock drawer.
 
President Bush recently pledged to “spend what is necessary” to:
A ) Restore the 3 million jobs lost since he took office.
B ) Clean our polluted waters and poisonous air.
C )End the scourge of homelessness in our country.
D ) Provide every citizen with health care and every child with a decent education.
E ) Dig his Administration out of the hole it dug for us in Iraq.
F ) Get reelected.
 
ODDS AND ENDS
Report: Developing Nations
Catching Up

Now almost equal to industrialized nations
in deaths due to smoking.

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