Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – AUGUST 11-17, 2003
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MISCELLANEOUS
Man Without Credentials, Security Clearance, Flies on Air Force One
Later identified as official with “coalition of the willing” country.
 
BOOKS
Hillary's Book Continues
On Record Pace

First best-seller based entirely on reading between the lines.
 
SPORTS
Polar Games Won by Antarctica
Team from Arctic Circle finishes second.
 
SPORTS QUIZ
 
Mike Tyson lost $400 Million due to:
A) Ill-advised short position in derivatives market just before hiccup in commercial real estate had created unexpected downside.
B) Bottom falling out of rare book trade right after purchase of prized, 11th Century illuminated manuscript of first edition of sacred music of Hildegard von Bingen.
C) Hookers.
TOYS
Toy Safety Council Announces Latest Recalls
If you've purchased any of the following, return them at once:
My First Counterfeiting Kit (Bills come out smudged.)
Pre-School Periodontist (Healing time longer than stated on box.)
Fun With Graffiti (Supplied spray paint can leaks.)
Glow-in-the-Dark Grenade (Plastic “shrapnel” pieces can lodge in child’s eye.)
Pre-School Pharmacist (Confusing instructions.)
 
STAMPS
Personalized Postage Stamps Coming, Says Postal Service
Consumers can soon pay bills, moon credit card company at same time.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
North Korea Nukes South Korea
Former Asian nation obliterated.

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