Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – APRIL 14 - 20, 2003
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FOOD
Heinz Unveils Blue Ketchup
Company hopes consumers will buy their unsold ketchup that's turned blue.
 
SPORTS
Baseball: Hall of Fame Cancels
Bull Durham Event Due to
Stars' Antiwar Sentiments

Also bans lyric "Root, root, root for the home team" as aid and comfort to the enemy.
Darryl Strawberry Released
From Prison

Signs five-year, $50 million deal with Yankees.
 
ODDS AND ENDS
World's Biggest Shoe Goes on Display in Philippines
But world's biggest sock is missing.
MISCELLANEOUS
Las Vegas Oddsmakers Put Doomsday at 50 Billion to 1
Bet a dollar, get back $50 billion, if you’re lucky.
Toy Sales: Barbie Returns to #1
Popular doll outselling all others among middle-aged men.
SPECIAL FEATURE
Five Simple Steps to a Better Middle East
1. U.S. invades Iraq, overthrows regime.
2. U.S. installs democracy in Iraq.
3. Democracy spreads to neighboring lands.
4. Unpopular, pro-American leaders lose democratic elections to popular clerics, who set up hostile theocracies.
5. U.S. invades neighboring lands, overthrows regimes.

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