Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – APRIL 14 - 20, 2003
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PEOPLE
Bob Hope in Iraq To Tape 100th Birthday Special
"Bad Gags from Baghdad" features Pamela Anderson, Gen. Tommy Franks.
ENTERTAINMENT
Douglas, Zeta-Jones Win Suit Against Magazine Over Wedding Photos
Rival publication bought exclusive rights to cover marriage, breakup, divorce, reconciliation.
All Hollywood Anxious as
April 24th Approaches

That's the only day of the year without an awards show.
 
BUSINESS
Halliburton Awarded $7 Billion No-Bid Contract to Rebuild Iraq Oil Wells
Chosen for their experience in obtaining no-bid contracts.
Mecca Cola Admits It Made Mistake With “New Mecca Cola”
Brings out “Mecca Cola Classic” to satisfy angry fans of original formula.
SCIENCE
Scientists Clone Species Threatened With Extinction
The 8-pound Democrat is doing well.
 
MORE ABOUT IRAQ
Chalabi Selected to Take
Over Country

Convicted of bank fraud, he's rated "well qualified" by Bush Administration.
U.S. Will Teach Iraqis About Democracy
Eventually less than half of them will vote, most will make decisions based on TV ads.
Opulent Palace Bathrooms Dazzle U.S. Troops
Many had never seen a bidet before.
Bush Promises Large Role for
UN in Postwar Iraq

Translators, catering, cleaning among areas in which they could help.
U.S. Troops Get Playing Cards With Pictures of Saddam and Top Leaders
Will help identify most wanted, introduce Iraqis to Three Card Monte.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
War in Congo Now in 5th Year
At least 3 million deaths attributed to conflict completely lacking media appeal.

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