Ironic Times

 NO. 133 "Expect the Ironic" MAR 31 - APR 6, 2003 

Mar 24
Apr 7
  REINFORCEMENTS
HEAD TO GULF
 
  Conflict may take a bit longer than originally hoped.
 
THE WAR
White House Lists Postwar Priorities
1) Iran; 2) North Korea; 3) Cuba;
4) France; 5) San Francisco.
Pentagon: Everything Going
According to Plan

Quagmire objective already met.
Civilian Uprising Reported in North
Control quickly restored by Minneapolis police.
Shock and Awe Working
World shocked by Bush's arrogance, awed by his stupidity.
Web Gamblers Wagering
On Saddam's Future

But "late action" moving to Bush's future.
Dolphins Join War Effort
They'll work in intelligence.
U. S. NEWS
Federal Government Expands Hiring in Bid to Reduce Unemployment
Thousands needed to listen to new wiretaps.
Perle Quits as Chairman of
Defense Policy Board

To take more powerful position in Hell.
 
REMINDER
    You're a minor character in a     George Orwell novel.
 
Supreme Court to Consider Gay Sex
Justices Thomas, Souter will share condo for a month.
 
SPECIAL FEATURE
Five Things We Might Not Have Noticed During the Current Crisis
1. For security reasons, the Constitution has been removed from the Capitol Rotunda and placed in an undisclosed location, where it is being edited and improved by John Ashcroft.
2. The Appalachian National Scenic Trail has been opened for strip mining.
3. The Department of the Interior began construction on a number of "Summer Camps," whose purpose is officially described as "classified."
4. The Supreme Court has ruled that punitive damage awards against large corporations violates the ban on cruel and unusual punishment.
5. Christianity was declared the "preferred provider" of religious services for America, by presidential decree.
FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
STORE

   Copyright 2003 Ironic Times