Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MARCH 24 - 30, 2003
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MISCELLANEOUS
Things Already Changing in Baghdad
U.S. invasion, onset of spring might explain it.
Wisconsin Man Eats
19,000th Big Mac

19,000th Wisconsin man to do so.
 
FEATURE
Which three companies were the first chosen by the U.S. government to bid on rebuilding Iraq after we've destroyed it?
A) Ben & Jerry's, Co-op America, Working Assets
B) Starbucks, Newman's Own, Amazon.com
C) Bechtel, Fluor, Halliburton
  (Note: Conflict of interest laws do not
  apply in wartime.)
THE WAR
U.S. Assigns Member Nations Key Roles In Coalition Victory Party
Eritrea - bring snacks; Afghanistan - folding chairs; Albania - music; Colombia - drinks; Uganda - decorations; Solomon Islands - dancers; Iceland & Mongolia - make posters; Uzbekistan - balloons.
 
SPORTS
Yankees Fine Wells $100,000 for
Saying He Was 'Half-Drunk' in
Perfect Game

Would have been twice as much had he been totally plastered.
Extreme Baseball League Proposed By Former XFL Owners
New rules would require hitters to run out every ground ball.
White Sox Sign Blind Player
He'll start the season in the minors.

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