Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MARCH 17 - 23, 2003
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CURRENCY
New California Quarter Features Bear, Miner, Condor, Redwood, Poppies
Engraving depicts the bear observing the miner as he cooks the condor over a Redwood fire he made after smoking a potent distillate of the poppies.
 
SPORTS
Baseball: Scouts Constantly Searching for Next Superstar
Looking for that special ballplayer who is overweight, smokes, drinks, and badmouths his teammates.
Bob Uecker Elected to Hall of Fame
Mediocre stats, but he never bet on baseball.
 
ODDS AND ENDS
Disposition of Mustang Ranch Property Decided
Compound will be shipped to Iraq as part of post-war reconstruction process.

 
John D. Negroponte
Age: 63
Position: American Ambassador to the United Nations.
Proudest Moment: "The day President Bush appointed me to represent my country at this great organization devoted to world peace."
 
Biggest Regret: "That the Honduran Commission on Human Rights accused me, personally, of human rights violations when I was U.S. Ambassador to Honduras."
If I Had One Wish: "That before the Honduran Commission on Human Rights accused me of human rights violations, my good friends in the Battalion 3-16 Death Squad had paid them a little visit."
Favorite Little-Known Fact: "If you cut out the heart of your enemy and eat it while it's still beating, you absorb his strength."
Favorite drink: "Dewars, of course!"
 

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