| SPORTS |
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Angels Win,
Thank Fans, Promise More
Team sold, manager fired,
players traded. |
|
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Americans Prove They Can
Play in the NBA
"They've really made progress
in their game," says Nikoloz
Tskitishvili of the Nuggets. |
| |
| MILESTONES |
|
Last Member of the American
Middle Class Dies in Peoria
Harmon Pettibone Jr., 82, was neither
very rich, nor very poor. |
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| TRAVEL |
|
Travel Idea:
Visit the Factory Where
Your $140 Shirt Was Made
Say hello to the
$140-a-year worker who
made it. |
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 |
| Lately I’ve been hearing
a lot of chatter about my links to Osama bin Laden,
how I’ve helped him and his group, Al Qaeda.
Horsefeathers! I’ve never met the man. Oh, maybe
once I bought a jar of jam with his name on it, but
only because they were out of the brand I like. It
was too sweet, by the way. |
| No, I have never had
any contact with any member of any terrorist
organization, unless you count the CIA. You
remember, they were the ones that got me the
weapons of mass destruction in the first place.
They were my enablers, you might say
in your Western colloquial way! |
| Gotta go. They’re screening The
Godfather in one of the palaces (can’t tell you which),
and my favorite mistress will be on hand to peel my
grapes for me. Should be fun. ‘Bye. |
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