Ironic Times

 NO. 93 "Expect the Ironic" JUNE 24 - 30, 2002 

June 17
July 1
WORLD NEWS
Arafat Calls on Palestinians to
"Completely Stop" Terror Attacks

Supersedes previous call to "mostly stop."
Israel Building Fence
Around West Bank

Will become first gated community that accepts Jews.
India, Pakistan Say Nuclear
Arsenals Kept Them From War

Recommend further proliferation.
 
U. S. NEWS
Bush Gives CIA OK to
Covertly Kill Hussein

Iraqi leader "must not know of our plans," he tells country.
Compromise Expected on
Permitting Guns in the Cockpit

Would allow pilots to carry box-cutters.
High Court Sets Minimum
Intelligence for Death Penalty

Presiding judge must have at least a 70 IQ.
Former "Dukes of Hazzard" Actor Running for Congress
Ben "Cooter" Jones hopes to join "Gopher" ("The Love Boat"), "Goober" ("Andy Griffith Show"), and "Grover" ("Sesame Street") in the House of Representatives.
GUEST COLUMNIST

Artifact Boxes for You
and Your Cellmates

Take any medium-sized cardboard box, line with brightly colored tissue paper, divide with crisscrossed inserts from wine boxes, and you'll have an inexpensive storage container with separate areas, ready to personalize with labels: "My Stuff: Keep Your Fuckin' Mitts Off," or, "Squeaky's Section: Touch This and Die." Try creating different messages for each storage area and brighten the exterior with pine cones or pressed, dried flowers.
 
U. S. NEWS - CONTINUED
All Reporters Evacuated
From Nation's Capital
Due to Terrorist Threat

Administration expects more threats,
may call for reporters' permanent removal.
 
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