Ironic Times

 NO. 91 "Expect the Ironic" JUNE 10 - 16, 2002 

June 3
June 17
 
FREEDONIA, SYLVANIA POISED FOR WAR
Freedonia's President Firefly (right) promises no first use of nuclear weapons as long as Sylvania's ambassador doesn't call him an "upstart" again.
 
WORLD NEWS
Britain Celebrates 50 Years of
Queen Elizabeth

Royals gather to drink, philander, fall off horses, make offensive remarks.
Arafat Arrests Himself
Not enough, says Israel.
 
ANSWER TO LAST WEEK'S NEWS QUIZ
"Osama bin Laden" is the name of the only person who didn't know about the Sept. 11 attacks in advance.
U. S. NEWS
White House Turns Over
Enron Documents

But, for national security reasons, they've been translated into Navajo.
Bush Administration Blames
Humans for Global Warming

Asks FBI, CIA to find out who they are.
 
REMINDER
   Now would be a good time to
   learn how to read.
 
Bureaucracy Blamed for
Delays in Communication

According to recently discovered memo from 1999.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS ...
Estate Tax Repeal Could Save
Family Farms, Small Businesses

Also $850 billion for the super-rich.
IRONIC TIMES SPECIAL: The New Anti-Terrorist Strategy - How It Works
Old   New
Office of Homeland Security   Department of Homeland Security
No Coordination Between Security-Related Offices Located in Different Departments   No Coordination Between Security-Related Offices Located in Same Department
No Congressional Oversight, Hearings Held Amidst Partisan Rancor, Political Maneuvers   Congressional Oversight, Hearings Held Amidst Partisan Rancor, Political Maneuvers
Tom Ridge Addressed as "Mr. Ridge," Calls Returned Reluctantly, No Invitations to Parties   Tom Ridge Addressed as "Mr. Secretary," calls Returned Promptly, Invited to Best Parties
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