Ironic Times

 NO. 86 "Expect the Ironic" MAY 6 - 12, 2002 

Apr 29
May 13
 
ARAFAT ALLOWED TO KEEP HIS "GUN"
As long as he doesn't "point it" at anyone.
WORLD NEWS
Musharraf Wins in Pakistan
Trounces only opponent, listed as "Check This Box and We'll Kill You."
China's Veep Hu Unknown in U.S.
But has longest listing in China's Who's Hu.
U.S. Makes Final Four in Executions
China still favored to win championship; Iran, Saudi Arabia round out semifinals.
 
EDUCATION
Bad News: Poor, Middle Class
Can't Afford College

Good news: college grads can't find jobs.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS
World's Biggest, Smelliest Flower Blossoms in London
Just in time for Mother's Day.
U. S. NEWS
Shadow Government Swings
Into Action

Creates Phantom Government in even deeper underground bunkers "just in case."
House Votes to Split INS
Into Two Agencies

INS and OUTS.
New Welfare Guidelines Approved
Recipients must be married, independently wealthy, and living in a gated community.
 
REMINDER
    Somewhere in the world there is
    someone just like you thinking the
    same thing.
 
Undercover Federal Agents Breeze Through Security in Atlanta Tests
"Don't worry," says Ashcroft. "We know who they are and where they live."
Surveillance Cameras Becoming Commonplace
Public reacts by wearing disguises, having plastic surgery.
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