Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO - DEC 31, 2001 - JAN 6, 2002
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Naked News Comes to Bulgaria
"Sure beats Communism," says one viewer.
TV: Unscripted, Mindless Low-Brow
Fare Dominated in 2001

Networks hope trend continues in 2002.
Miss America Pageant
Moving to Canada

Better business climate, nicer people, prettier girls cited.
New Online Chat Program
Translates E-mails Into Voices

Makes possible two-way real-time vocal communication between distant locations.
Baseball Owners Pleading Poverty
One says he’s living in his car.
Bin Laden Granted Asylum in Mordor
"He is evil," says Lord Sauron, "but I have no problem with that."
While coverage of the terrorist attacks and Operation Enduring Freedom dominated the news, some events took place "under the radar" of the major media.
On October 4th, by the same 5-4 vote which made him President, the Supreme Court named George W. Bush "President-for-Life."
November 10: Secretary of the Interior Gail Norton renamed the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge the Arctic National Oil Drilling Sanctuary.
Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan issued an edict on September 24th returning the nation to the gold standard.
Enron CEO Kenneth Lay held up the First Bank of Dallas on December 9th, wounding a security guard and escaping with $35 million in small bills.
Senator Jim Jeffords, ex-Republican, now Independent, was kidnapped from his office on November 22nd, and is being held at an undisclosed location while he reconsiders his party affiliation.
Senator Strom Thurmond celebrated his 99th birthday on December 4th, and then eloped with his 15-year-old fifth cousin four times removed, Zelda Mae Thurmond.
Nicole Kidman and Rep. Gary Condit were married on December 6th in a private ceremony on Maui, and divorced three days later in Reno, Nevada.
In another 5-4 ruling on November 16th, the Supreme Court voided the first ten amendments to the Constitution.
In a little-noticed move on September 18th Congress adjourned for the year.
Dick Cheney died on October 28th, was buried two days later in Texas or Arizona, rose from the dead the following weekend, and returned to his undisclosed location where he is undergoing more medical tests.

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