Ironic Times

 NO. 68 "Expect the Ironic" DEC 31, 2001 - JAN 6, 2002 

Dec 24
Jan 7
 
AMERICA
IS # 1 IN BODY FAT

Nation credits fat-rich diet, labor-saving devices, emphasis on watching, sitting.
 
WORLD NEWS
U.S. Renews Pledge to Go After
States That Harbor Terrorists

Britain, France, Canada prepare to be bombed.
Europe Converts to the Euro
Argentina converts to the Zero.
Franc, Lira, Deutschmark
On the Way Out

Most will be tossed into fountains.
 
MILESTONES
Giuliani Named "Person of the
Year" by
Time Magazine
Receives similar honor from Adulterers' Quarterly.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS
New "Ugly" Portrait of Queen Elizabeth Receiving Heavy Criticism
Many blame the photographer.
U. S. NEWS
Retailers Try Giving Products Away
But shoppers won’t take them.
Congress Votes Itself a
$4900 Pay Raise

"We deserve it," said one senator who asked not to be identified.
Routine Gov't Work Proceeds
Despite War

Administration goes about mundane task of overturning every law passed during previous Administration.
 
REMINDER
   Donít drink and drive and use a
   cell phone.
 
Oklahoma Finishes Ahead of
Texas in Executions for 2001

But Texas finishes higher in the BCS standings.
Supreme Court Releases
Annual Blooper Reel

Outtakes, goof-ups from last session airs Friday on Fox.
 
ENVIRONMENT
Last Parcel of Wilderness
Sold to Developers

Wilderness Society reluctantly disbands.
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