Ironic Times

NO. 59 "Expect the Ironic" OCT. 29 - NOV. 4, 2001

Oct 22
Nov 5
DICK CLARK ENLISTS
America's oldest teenager wants to “kick can in Afghanistan.”
WORLD NEWS
U.S. Asks India, Pakistan, Israel,
Palestinians to Make Peace

Fighting interfering with war.
Bayer Agrees to Lower Price of Cipro
But raises price of anthrax.
 
BUSINESS
Pony Express, Western Union
Stocks Hot Again

Morse code, smoke signal companies also hit new highs.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Smoking Pot No Longer Illegal in England
But smokers must wear identifying tattoo.
U. S. NEWS
Antiterrorism Bill Passes,
Immediately Becomes Law

Those who voted against it are jailed.
FBI Considering Truth Serum for
Questioning Terrorist Suspects

Washington Post considering it for questioning military spokesmen.
Serious Crime Down
Silly crime up.
 
REMINDER
    It's still safe to- oops, no it's not.
 
Arizona Man Arrested
Under Antiterrorism Law

Suspected of rooting against Yankees.
Florida Votes For School Prayer
Because it's working so well in Pakistan.
Bush Doesn't Know Why
America is Hated

“And,” say aides, “he doesn't want to know.”
Nation Officially Returns to Normal
O.J. Simpson acquitted.
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