Ironic Times

NO. 57 "Expect the Ironic" OCTOBER 15 - 21, 2001

Oct 8
Oct 22
FLAG MAKERS STEPPING UP PRODUCTION
Demand is far outstripping supply.
 
WORLD NEWS
White House: Bin Laden “Call for Holy War” Video May Contain Coded Message
Possibly calling for holy war.
Russia: 100 “Suitcase” Nuclear Bombs Missing
“They'll turn up,” says spokesperson.
U.S. Suspends Dropping Microwave
Ovens on Refugee Camps

Cites “negative impact.”
 
MISCELLANEOUS
PRINCE CHARLES CONVERTS TO ISLAM
The Queen is said to be “very disappointed.”
U. S. NEWS
Most Government Officials Moved to Secret, Secure Locations
Public told to keep daily routine, remain calm.
FBI Sweep Successful
All 24 Americans who know anything about Afghanistan are now in media custody.
 
REMINDER
    In months ending in “R” wear a
    gas mask.
 
Giuliani Rejects $10 Million
From Saudi Prince

Billionaire wanted Mayor’s girlfriend for his harem.
 
PUBLIC HEALTH ADVISORY
 
  You do not have anthrax poisoning unless you have noticed at least two of the following symptoms:
 
1.  Occasional fatigue
2.  Sporadic flatulence
3.  Sweating during vigorous exercise
4.  Periodic yawning
5.  Worry about anthrax poisoning
 
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