Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO - OCTOBER 8 - 14, 2001
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THE ECONOMY
Disney Announces More Layoffs
“Only seven,” explains a Disney spokesperson.
ENTERTAINMENT
Network Cookie-Cutter
Stolen; Panic Sets In

“Where are the new shows going to come from?” wonders a distraught programmer.
Overall TV Ratings Continue
To Drop, Mysteriously

Analysts puzzled by audience's reluctance to watch unscripted programs pitting publicity-seeking half-wits against self-promoting dimwits in a battle of wits.
Hollywood Turning Away From Gratuitous Violence
Turning instead towards gratuitous sex.
ABC Changes Title of “The Bin Laden Bunch”
Sitcom about huge Saudi family will debut as “52 Is Enough.”
BUSINESS
Poll: Most People Putting Their
Money in Mattresses

Some are investing, but mainly in companies that make mattresses.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Hair Dye Use Linked to Arthritis
Beverly Hills applies for disaster relief.
 
THE WAR
Profiles of Our New Allies: Pakistan

Type of Government: Military Dictatorship
Leader: General Pervez Musharraf
Date Elected: N/A
Principal import: refugees
Principal export: refugees
National pastime: fighting with India
Secret ambition: to nuke India
Political stability (scale of 1 to 10): 2  (a/o this morning)

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