Ironic Times

NO. 48 "Expect the Ironic" AUGUST 13 - 19, 2001

Aug 6
Aug 20
BILL CLINTON BIG WINNER
Shows off his $10,000,000 check from Publishers Clearing House.
WORLD NEWS
World Leaders Go on Vacation
No wars till September.
Toronto, Runner-Up for 2008 Olympics, Executes Entire Bid Committee After Brief Show Trial
City hopes to impress judges for 2012.
IRA: Weapons Will be “Completely and Verifiably Beyond Use”
They'll be “way up on the top shelf where nobody can reach them.”
European Cities Abandoned to Tourists in Traditional August Ritual
Skeleton crews remain to provide local color, collect money.
 
PICTURE OF THE WEEK
U. S. NEWS
Stem Cell Issue Divides Conservatives
Creates split between money-hungry pharmaceutical cartels and fanatical religious zealots.
Pentagon Admits Target in Missile Defense Test Had Homing Device
Also: lights, siren, recording of Red Army Chorus singing “Oklahoma!”
Feds Break Up Largest Child Pornography Ring
Ashcroft describes Internet operation as “the biggest and the best.”
 
REMINDER
Cartoons aren't real.
 
22% of U.S. Teens Don't Know From What Country We Declared Our Independence
Worst showing since Jefferson crossed the Delaware in 1863.
California Now Faces
Power Glut

Residents being asked to voluntarily heat pools, blow-dry hair, leave lights on all night.
Boy Scouts Revise Code
Today's scout is “trustworthy, loyal, helpful, heterosexual, friendly, courteous, kind, tit-chasing, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, pussy-poking, clean, and reverent.”
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