Ironic Times

NO. 38 "Expect the Ironic" JUNE 4 - 10, 2001

May 28
June 11
BUSH, NORTON OPEN SEQUOIA PARK TO TIMBER HARVESTING
General Sherman tree to become “enough charcoal briquettes for the state of Texas.”
 
WORLD NEWS
Bush Defense Team Wary of Chinese
Concerned about “human bridge” across Pacific.
NATO: No to Nuke Net
No way, ixnay, not now, never.
 
BUSINESS
Exxon Raises Dividends, Announces Stock Split, Record Profits
Public assured soaring gas prices “entirely coincidental.”
Consumer Confidence Up
Most confident they won’t be voting for Bush again.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
NEW PHOTOS DEBUNK “FACE OF MARS”
Clearly just a footprint, says NASA.
U. S. NEWS
13-Year-Old Wins National
Spelling Bee by Correctly
Spelling "Succadaneum"

But is expelled from 8th grade for using the word.
Rumsfeld Favors “Star Trek” Missile Shield Over “Star Wars” System
Cites threat from Romulans, Klingons.
Jenna Bush Gets Death Sentence
Under Texas Law

Barbara may get off with life in prison, if she cooperates.
 
CENSUS 2000
  Fastest-Growing Occupation: Prisoner
Being incarcerated passes all other U.S. vocations.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
  Tobacco Companies Admit Cigarettes Cause Cancer, Heart Disease in U.S.
But product is harmless everywhere else.
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 Copyright 2001 Ironic Times