| SHOW BUSINESS |
 |
 NakedNews.Com
Adds Male Anchor
Newsman formerly worked at
BareBriefing.com; before that was
roving correspondent for
NudesoftheWorld.org. |
|
|
Producers, Writers Talking
Again
Will attempt to iron out plot points,
characters, dialogue before strike
premieres. |
|
Ronald McDonald Comes
Out of Closet
Admits he's a vegetarian. |
|
Oprah Follows Couric
Will have liposuction on upcoming show. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
Market Slide Forces Many
To Postpone Retirement
Period of useless boredom leading to deep
depression will have to
wait. |
|
International Marketplace in
Stolen Goods "Healthy"
But increased law enforcement could slow
growth in fourth quarter. |
| |
| LAW |
|
House Sets Debate on
Cloning of Humans
Will limit speeches by clones to fifteen
minutes. |
|
| SCIENCE |
|
One Millionth Study Says
Humans
Cause Global Warming
Jury still out, says administration. |
| |
| HIGH TECH |
|
Carrier Pigeons Added to
Wireless Mix
Company will equip birds to deliver
Internet access in most major cities with
statues. |
| |
| GUEST COLUMNIST |
I'm
Still Here
by Strom Thurmond
Recently there has been
speculation regarding my
health and the
disposition of my senate
seat should I die. Let me
assure you that I am in
good health and have no
intention of either
passing away or
relinquishing my
responsibilities as the
senior senator from the
Great State of South
Carolina. That said, let
me add that I am in the
market for a new wife,
around 35-40, attractive,
preferably blonde,
preferably a good cook of
traditional Southern
cuisine. And preferably
white. |
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