Ironic Times

NO. 29 "Expect the Ironic" APRIL 2 - 8, 2001

Mar 26
April 9
POPE TELLS CROWD: “YOU ARE ALL CONDEMNED TO ETERNAL DAMNATION”
Doesn't crack a smile during annual April Fools Day message.
WORLD NEWS
President Urges Calm in Middle East
Hopes it will remain quiet until he's out of office.
Euro Disney to Destroy All Cloven-Hoofed Animals
Goofy being examined.
 
BUSINESS
Customers Using Other Banks' ATM's Hit with Rising Surcharges
Also, mild electric shocks.
As Economy Worsens, Social
Security Trust Fund Managers
Seek New Solutions

Assisted suicide under review.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
3.5 Million Year-old Man May Be Distant Cousin of Homo Sapiens
Kenyanthropus Platyops showed up at family events, borrowed money.
U. S. NEWS
Bush Says He Prefers "Informal"
Press Conferences

Also multiple choice questions, lifelines,
polling audience for help.
High Court Takes Up Marijuana Issue
Decision not expected for many, many months.
President Hits the Road
to Campaign for Tax Cut

Hopes to get large deduction for travel expenses.
 
CENSUS 2000
Latest Figures Reveal New
Demographic Picture of California
Celebrities 41%     Extraterrestrials 11%
Waiters 23%     Other 6%
Personal Trainers 18%     Don't Know 1%
 
ENVIRONMENT
Bush: “We Need to Dig for Oil in Wilderness Areas, National Parks”
More gas needed for summer trips to wilderness areas, national parks.
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 Copyright 2001 Ironic Times