Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO - MARCH 26 - APRIL 1, 2001
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BUSH CLAIMS FIRST MAJOR SUCCESS OF PRESIDENCY
Strikes oil at Arlington National Cemetery.
 
INTERNET
Online Gambling, Porno Sites’ Annual Ad Revenue: $10 Billion
All other sites: $10.
 
SHOW BUSINESS
First Human Clones Showing
Up in Unlikely Places
Some are filling empty seats at XFL games.
Mad Cow Scare Panics Networks
Disease with “Black Plague potential” could arrive before May ratings sweeps.
Few Surprises at Snuff Movie Awards
Most of the favorites in major categories take home Snuffys.
 
PEOPLE
Michael Jackson Announces Comeback
He's coming back as LaToya Jackson.

(as compiled by What's In? magazine and What's Out? magazine)
In: An oversized, gas-guzzling sport utility vehicle.
Out: A small, unsafe rolling death trap.
In: An artery-choking cheese-in-the-crust pizza.
Out: A stroke-inducing Quarter Pounder With Cheese.
In: Waiting forever for a web page to download.
Out: Waiting forever for the cable guy to show up.
In: A dumb, obvious, puppet-of-the-wealthy President.
Out: A smart, devious, puppet-of-the-wealthy President.
In: $10 to see "Billy Madison."
.Out: 10 to see "Citizen Kane."
In: Smug, self-appointed representatives of the truth like Bill O'Reilly.
Out: Smug, self-appointed representatives of the truth like Rush Limbaugh.

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