Ironic Times

NO. 28 "Expect the Ironic" MARCH 26 - APRIL 1, 2001

Mar 19
April 2
 
STATUE OF LIBERTY RETURNED TO FRANCE
Tired and wretched “no longer wanted.”
 
WORLD NEWS
Mir Debris Lands on Gilligan's Island
Mary Ann, Mrs. Howell, Skipper among injured.
Japan Facing Severe Recession
Entire population may be forced to eat raw fish.
Bay of Pigs Remembered
Forty Years Later

Former foes meet in Havana over poisoned brandy and exploding cigars.
Iran High Court Votes to
Outlaw All Opposition
Vote is close at first, then unanimous.
 
BUSINESS
Fed Lowers Interest Rate By Half-Point; Raises Hemlines By Half-Inch
Neither move considered enough by Wall Street.
U. S. NEWS
Only Janitors Left at Embassies After U.S., Russia Expel Spies
They are also spies, but needed for cleanup.
NTSB to Review Bridge Standards
New, business-friendly regulators ask, “How safe do these things have to be?”
Campaign Finance Bill Compromise Worked Out
Republicans, Democrats both agree to “take the money and run.”
 
REMINDER
The deadline for filing your taxes is April 25.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
EPA's Whitman Will Relax
Arsenic in Water Standards

Drinks cup of arsenic to prove her point.
Eating Leads to Cancer, Heart
Disease, Say Experts

Not eating even worse.
 
FRINGE
Leading Wall Street Analyst Beats Monkey at Picking Stocks
Chimp ignored warning signs, put too much in tech sector.
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 Copyright 2001 Ironic Times