Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - JANUARY 22 - 28, 2001
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Actor Keir Dullea offers to lead expedition to Jupiter.
Clinton Legacy
(continued from page 1)
ments, taken together, have transformed the American political dialogue by an impressive panorama of policy innovations, tempered only by his inability to keep his pecker in his pants, or as some have said, his lollipop in the wrapper, his wiener in the bun, his missile in the silo, his snake in the basket, or his jack in the box.


Giants 21, Ravens 16 

TAMPA, Florida (AP) – With 72,052 in attendance at Raymond James Stadium and an estimated 2.8 billion more watching on television around the world, the New York Giants held on to defeat the Baltimore Ravens, 21-16, and win Super Bowl XXXV. The contest, played in muddy conditions and dominated by suffocating defensive units, was marked by mental mistakes and missed opportunities. If anything, the halftime show, featuring the Mormon Tabernacle Choir in drag, 200 midget Elvis impersonators, and Eydie Gormé getting shot out of a cannon, provided more excitement.

In the first half, neither the Giants' quarterback, Kerry Collins, nor his Raven counterpart, Trent Dilfer, could get untracked. Costly penalties and turnovers kept the score down until midway through the third quarter, by which time many in the crowd had turned their attention to a small fire burning out of control near the north end zone, apparently started by a group of protesting environmentalists, one of whom stripped naked and ran across the field during a Baltimore kickoff return. Protesters, Raven special team players, and several well-oiled spectators all got entangled, turning the muddy (three days of heavy rain) area around the New York 35-yard line into a scene right out of Woodstock.

The game's outcome hinged on a Baltimore field goal attempt with just 1:28 remaining in the fourth quarter, and the Giants ahead, 14-13. The kick was blocked by Giants safety Jason Sehorn and a man in a condom costume. Sehorn picked the ball up and took it in for a touchdown. Suddenly, instead of it being Ravens 16, Giants 14, it was Giants 21, Ravens 13, and Baltimore's hopes of Super Bowl glory were all but dashed.

First downs   14   8
Rushes-yards   39-144   27-82
Average per rush   3.7   3.0
Comp-Att-Int   22-46-2   12-33-4
Net Passing Yards   242   144
Average Per Pass Play   5.2   4.3
Sacks-Yards   4-29   7-51
Punt Ret-Yds   6-81   9-66
Penalties   5-46   7-90
  1st 2nd 3rd 4th Total
Baltimore 0 3 10 3 16
New York 0 7 7 7 21

©  Copyright 2001 Ironic Times